At 1 am, I curled up in a ball on my bed, drowning my pillow with tears that seemed to gush out of my face like tap water. There was an ache in my chest, a pounding in my head and a large wad in the pit of my stomach. I can report now, that It is currently 3 in the morning and I have now moved on to a faint drowsiness, a sharp craving for fried chicken, and, ah yes, I am just as distressed. I feel lost and heavy under the weight of school and “what I’m doing with my life.” Hey, what am I doing with my life? I’m 19 and I’ve yet to have a job, I don’t have any interest in school, and I feel like my faith in God is slower than molasses in its feeble attempts to grow. My parents say I’m too laid back, which I am hesitant to embrace as solid fact. Tonight, as I am feeling worn out and weary about the things I avoid and all of my failures which seem to stack up like dirty dishes, I neither feel that God is any closer or any further than He was before. I simply feel that He is very quietly motioning from where He is, beckoning me to let go of all the fears that want to crush me, all the silly things that won’t matter soon. I am not a failure. It’s not the end of the world if I fail History. Life will go on, and I will continue to go on with it. With all the chaos that has been overtaking my life, I need to pull in the reigns and then give those dang reigns up to the one who knows what He’s doing, because I sure don’t. It is a hard week and I am feeling comparable to a pile of sludge, but I will get through this week and through this night! ( with help from the Prince of Peace and a few more groans of annoyance at my cat who feels the need to taunt my sadness by whipping his claws at my feet from under the bed.) It’s going to be okay.